He then made his way to my side. "They're all mine. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. 1. What does ARMY mean to you? When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. This is really good, he said. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. (Hang up. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. At least SEVEN Cs! The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Did you hear about the big accident on base? What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? 'Never fly in the same cockpit. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Divert your course NOW! and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Aviation jokes | Key Aero You divertyour course! However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Because the Army needed heroes too. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. 11. A military captain saying I was just thinking 39. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start Pilots 5. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Now, lets try it again! Then one day I couldnt find it. Nothing, she said. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Anecdotes 2. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed Yes, said the lieutenant. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. The Army will post guards around the building. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. He finally comes dragging in at. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. They bagged six. But I am public affairs, I said. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Baltimore, said Dad. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Aeronautical Humor. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. 64. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. 3. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. 2. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. 6. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Return to Humor Index. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Then one day I couldnt find it. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. 28. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Marine: Wait, stop. But I had the last laugh. Learn from the mistakes of others. I was the cook.. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? 13. 10. He nodded. 41. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. 44. Soldier: Sure, buddy. How old are you? a tenant asked. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. 4. Theyre U.S. AF! He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? March forth! What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. [Answered]. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? The INFANTry! Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. We recommend our users to update the browser. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Thanks. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. This site contains affiliate links. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Me: Hello? A drill serGENTLEMEN! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 1. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. 18. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. 66. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Do you have change for a dollar? 33. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . The Lasting Supper A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. No, we dont, she said. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. 3. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog Killed bin Laden. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Caller: Is Sgt. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Dont think so? "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? An airplane! Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Attention! Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Fish Food. Military jokes! S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. 15. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Stay out of clouds. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. 38. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. 12. Where are you from? "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. What do hungry Marines eat? "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Did it work? and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. 50. It took the poor guy all day. And )second Rodrigues there? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? If you cant pick it up, paint it. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Fish Food. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? She told me she warships them. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Good judgment comes from experience. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Rodrigues there? How much noise can we make up here? A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Semper Pie U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? I was very nervous, she said. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. A Recruiter Misled You. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He says, Anyway, enough about me. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs.
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